Somewhere under the new tiny baby outfits, swaddles, monthly updates, SnapBack photos, and exploding love, there is a mommy trying to find her groove. It took me quite some time to catch my groove. Six months into my journey, I realized that I may have Postpartum Anxiety. Yes, the dear sister of the Postpartum Depression. Neither is talked about enough! My doctor asked questions of suicidal thoughts or fear to harm my child. All of my answers were “No” but I knew I wasn’t me -Kayla.
Becoming a mom is a massive life change. A tiny human literally used you like a cocoon. After the butterfly is released, you are swimming in new responsibilities and body image issues. We are recovering physically, riding rollercoaster hormones and suffering from mommy brain. Let me tell you mommy brain is REAL. Some normal daily thoughts become a buffering video. I became overly sensitive. ONE small change in plans would drill a hole in my boat. Which is hard because “baby” and “plans” in one sentence is comical in itself. In a room full of people, I felt disconnected and invisible. My worries multiplied and I was always overestimating danger. Baby blues are normal but pay close attention to how long and how deep those feelings are.
Every day is a step closer to gaining the reigns on this mommyhood thang. We are all trying to figure it out day by day. It is a continuous growing process as you and baby grow together. We don’t always have to have control – it’s okay to ask for help. Talk to the doctor. Find your mommy tribe! Once you realize you aren’t the only one googling the color of poop – You will gain some mommy confidence.
My son’s first home daycare sitter helped me tremendously especially since my mom was three hours away. The sitter would help recommend medicines, help raise my awareness of things as well as tell me “It’s not that serious- he will be fine!” My mom was always a call away to help me with issues. It’s always reassuring when your mom says, ” Don’t worry yourself out! Yes, his hand has swollen up puffy due to an ant bit but if he’s still happy and energetic – it’s not so bad. Keep an eye on it. Treat it and relax girl .”
One huge help was also my local Nurse-Family Partnership. It is a program for first-time moms. They assign you a nurse that visits every month during pregnancy and until your child is two years old. Nurse Sommer was a HUGE help. She would visit my home and we would discuss educational subjects related to pregnancy, taking care of a newborn, milestones and such. I was able to have a professional opinion when I, of course, would forget to ask questions at doctor’s appointments. I would recommend to any first time mom to find out if your local hospital has a Nurse-Family Partnership. With no immediate family or mommy friends at the time closer than an hour away, Nurse Sommer was crucial to my sanity and support system.
So hang tight Momma! A sigh of relief found within your mommy groove is right around the corner. We have to hang on in the meantime. My journey has made me make sure that I look new moms in the eyes and ask “How are YOU feeling? Adjusting well? Wanna chat over wine or coffee because I know you need BOTH !?” We have to support each other. My son is two now and I finally have mommy confidence in how to handle situations. I no longer allow my Google search bars to dance with my anxiety. I have a smart and handsome young man that steals my heart every single day. Live in the moment even if it comes with assistance. Take the offered help, meals and wine! Find your tribe and let them love you through this gorgeous journey!
